We're Back!

We're baaaaack...!! It's election time in America again, which means it's prime time for nuts, dicks, and boobs! Please feel free to welcome us back by sending any sort of food or - of course - tube socks. Also, it would be fun if you would leave some comments. (Unless, of course, they're negative comments. I mean - who needs that?)

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The PolitiChicks to the Rescue!

The PolitiChicks are here and are taking the world by storm! Apparently conservatives have not been allowed to speak their mind for the last 40 years (at least according to the hot blonde PolitiChick), but these spicy gals are here to change all that! Along with the previously mentioned hot blonde PolitiChick, you've got the hot brunette with a monotone voice PolitiChick, the hot black kinda serious PolitiChick, and last but not least, the Queen of Crazy PolitiChick, Victoria Jackson herself!

Your initial reaction upon viewing their first episode (after expressing your sincere appreciation for some truly lovely gams on full display), might be to assume that what you just watched was a brilliant piece of satire whose aim was to skewer those on the right who might charitably be called "batshit crazy." But, lamentably, you would be wrong. Think of this show as kinda like "The View," except with four Elizabeth Hasselbecks - on steroids!

Most of the first show was dedicated to pursuing a fact-free discussion of Islam. After Crazy Vicky sang her little song about how nasty Muslims are ("they like beheadings and pedophile weddings"), the group proceeded to throw around some pretty WTF statements about them (even though they insist that they really LOVE Muslims). Crazy Vicky was shocked to learn that Muslim butchers say "Allah Akbar" before they cut the meat. She scoffed when her liberal friend told her that she should check with Snopes.com, the well-respected arbiter of Internet sense and nonsense, about that idea, confidently telling everyone that Snopes.com is owned by the devil himself, George Soros, and therefore was not to be believed. (No, of course that's not true, but she probably read it in a forwarded email or on World Net Daily, and that's good enough for her.)

After monopolizing the first 10 minutes of the show, Crazy Vicky turned it over to the hot brunette for her take on the whole Muslim meat thing. Excited by her chance to say something truly important about this subject, she began...

"Well, you know what else they say that before, er, you know what else they, uh, when they say that what else they say that before they do..."

Perhaps not surprisingly, while a normal person might find it difficult to decipher such jibberish, Crazy Vicky immediately took her point...

"Before they KILL people!" she screamed excitedly.

"On planes, yeah!" exclaimed the hot brunette.

"On 9/11!" concluded Crazy Vicky.

So there you have it. Muslims say "God is Great" before they cut meat and kill people. That's really all you need to know. But wait, it gets worse. The hot brunette is in a tizzy because some universities have installed foot baths to accommodate their Muslim students - apparently she believes that Muslim feet should be as dirty as Christian feet. (And yet, we Christians can't have our Christmas trees, wails the hot blonde.) And Crazy Vicky is very confused about why liberals don't hate Muslims as much as she does - because liberals love gays, and Muslims want to kill gays. (It's probably best not to tell her that the Bible also talks about killing gays. It would just confuse her even more.)

But hey, here's something I didn't know - apparently it is now completely legal for Muslims in America to behead their wives - because of that whole Sharia law taking over our judicial system thing. But they probably shouldn't talk too much about that, or the rest of the country will be demanding that they be given the same right.

The fearsome foursome has one final bone to pick with Muslims before they move on to bashing gays. While they are willing to concede that "not all Muslims are terrorists," they are equally insistent that "all terrorists are Muslims!" Someone urgently needs to point these ladies to the Google machine, where they will quickly discover a rather long list of non-Muslim terrorists. They may also discover, along the way, that not all conservatives are morons, but all morons are conservatives.

Oh, lest I forget, Crazy Vicky makes a very observant point: Eric Holder and Janet Napolitano have "dead eyes," and she's pretty sure that they're both zombies and/or aliens. And to prove her point, she does dead-on impressions of both of them - although they oddly seem to be exactly the same.

Having spent so much time beating up Muslims, there is not much time left to take a swing at gay marriage, but the hot black serious one gives it her best shot. After quoting New York governor Andrew Cuomo's statement about needing to legalize gay marriage in all 50 states, and also the need to have anti-bullying laws, she incongruously asks the panel, "Are laws that define marriage as one man and one woman bullying laws?" Huh? She seems to have missed Cuomo's point by the proverbial country mile. Of course, anti-bullying laws are designed to protect gays (among others) from being bullied, but that whole concept appears to have gone right over her head. But what really worries the ladies is that pastors and priests are going to be forced to marry those icky people even if they don't like them. And yes, even photographers are at risk of being forced to take pictures of the hideous ceremonies against their will. Of course, none of that is true - the laws don't coerce anyone to take part in a ceremony against their will, but like I said, this show operates in a Fact-Free Zone.

I will say, so that I don't get accused of being a complete negative nelly, that Crazy Vicky may be crazy, but she has spunk! (Although I kind of feel the same way that Lou Grant does when it comes to spunk.) On this PolitiChicks introductory video, she generously allows that she loves Muslims, gays, and even all those people who leave nasty comments on the Internet calling her "a fat, has-been loser." Because Jesus loves them, and she loves Jesus, so therefore, ipso facto, she loves them.

So there you go. The PolitiChicks are here to kick some liberal ass. I can't wait for the next episode! UPDATE: Episode 2 is here, in which the ladies go into full birther mode to expose the nefarious truth of Barack Obama's birth certificate!

(By the way, if they were on TV, they'd probably have a serious ratings problem. Among the over 2200 comments registered so far, you'd be hard-pressed to find more than a handful of positive ones, and the video has so far registered 162 Likes and 3,921 Dislikes.)

Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Dastardly Mrs. Warren

Elizabeth Warren is a Democrat running for the Senate from Massachusetts. She still has to go through a Democratic primary, but she is the strong favorite to win the primary and go up against Republican Scott Brown, who currently holds the seat, in 2012.

Judging from the video above, just released by the Massachusetts Republican party, this Elizabeth Warren person is one scary woman. The shaky video, the blurred images, and the incessant drumbeat makes it clear that she is someone who is a clear and present danger to society. And to drive the point home, they are careful to note that she is the worst thing you can call someone - a Harvard professor!

But not only is she an evil Harvard professor, she is also prone to violence, which is clearly demonstrated by her stated desire to "throw rocks" at certain people. Those darn Harvard professors and their wily use of metaphors! Gee, if only the people that made this video had had an opportunity for a higher education, they might have been able to comprehend how a metaphor works!

In any event, judging from the anti-Wall Street mood of the country these days, Elizabeth Warren may be just the kind of senator people are looking for - someone who is a street fighter, someone who will stand up to Wall Street and corporate interests on behalf of the consumer. She was, after all, the woman responsible for the creation of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, a new agency designed to make sure that consumers don't get screwed in their dealings with the big money boys. Anyone who has had a bad experience with their credit card company (which is pretty much everybody) can thank Mrs. Warren for forcing those companies to change the way they do business.

The video below should give you a much clearer picture of who Elizabeth Warren is. Although it's a very funny satire, I think it captures her spirit: "My name is Elizabeth Warren and I am running for United States Senate to fuck some shit up!"

Monday, October 10, 2011

The Values Voter Circus

The Values Voter Summit is an annual gathering of crazy people who come together to proclaim their "values" to the world. In their case, their values include hating on liberals, gay people, Obama, liberals, muslims, Democrats, atheists, Obama, and liberals. They really do not like liberals. Or Obama. Or gay people. Or muslims. Or atheists. So they come together every year and try to find some comfort in their shared bigotry. And what with the big election next year, the current crop of GOP candidates are treating this gathering as some sort of Mecca to which they must make a hajj (hey wait, I thought they hated Muslims) - because apparently they believe that there are enough of these crazy people scattered about the nation that they have to do a little song-and-dance to try to get their votes.

This year's gathering has turned into a rather amusing circus as Mormons and Christians have come out swinging, pummeling each other to a bloody pulp! Since the VVS folks are primarily right-wing Christians who believe that Mormons are (according to one of their speakers, a Dallas pastor) a CULT, you probably could have guessed that Mitt Romney, the cultist, might feel a bit awkward when getting up in front of them to solicit their support. You may not have guessed, however, that Rick Perry, who is not a cultist but a true Christian, would also face some awkwardness. After the aforementioned speaker who hates Mormons was selected to introduce Mr. Perry, the candidate found himself having to answer the question, "Do you believe Mormonism is a cult?" (For the record, Perry answered the question in the negative - because what, you thought he would say YES?)

But coming to the rescue just in the nick of time was everybody's favorite lunatic, Glenn Beck. Also a cultist, he apparently took some offense at the idea that he was not a true Christian, pointing out that Mormons went to all the trouble to put Jesus Christ's name right on their letterhead, for Christ's sake, so lay off already!

After the Mormons were disposed of, it was time for the star clown of this circus, one Mr. Bryan Fischer, to rally the crowd in a show of anti-Muslim bigotry on a scale that must be seen to be believed (see above video). He did this even though the previous speaker, the cultist Mitt Romney, had preached that "we should remember that decency and civility are values too. One of the speakers who will follow me today (I'm lookin' at you, Bryan Fischer) has crossed that line, I think. Poisonous language doesn't advance our cause - it's never softened a single heart or changed a single mind." Sadly, though, the only result of Romney's admonition was to be called "tasteless and tawdry" by Fischer, the Muslim hater - who also, by the way, made it clear that if our next president believes in evolution we may well lose ALL our freedoms! Now there's something to think about before pulling that lever or punching that chad!

So what have we learned from this circus? Well, I guess we've learned that Christians, Mormons, and Muslims can't seem to get along very well. And that only Christians get to go to heaven. Because, seriously, what fun is heaven if you have to share it with all those other icky people?

Friday, December 3, 2010

Return of The Beverly Hillbillies

All the infighting that's been going on in the GOP recently reminds me a lot of "The Beverly Hillbillies." You remember - Jed Clampett and his hillbilly clan found some "black gold - Texas tea" and moved to Beverly - Hills, that is. Swimming pools. Movie stars. The contrast between the Clampetts and the staid white rich folks provided plenty of comedic fodder. Both groups had to find a way to get along, though, because the Clampetts had a ton of money, and thus they suddenly also had influence.

Nearly fifty years later, the tea party movement finds itself playing the part of the Clampetts. Teabaggers have invaded the turf of the rich, white, country club Republicans who, despite their obvious differences with the tea party, feel compelled to find a way to get along with them - seeing as how they represent a potentially significant GOP voting bloc and all.

This is the dynamic that goes a long way to explaining how Sarah Palin (you know, she does kinda remind me of Elly May) feels compelled to call Barbara Bush a "blue blood" and disses Ronald Reagan as being merely "an actor." It's a cultural clash within the party that has many wondering if the two factions can really work together or if they're headed for a nasty divorce.

There are plenty of warning calls being heard these days. County club Republicans like Joe Scarborough are warning that the party had better "man up" and do something to stop Palin and the anti-intellectualism that she represents from taking the reins of power away from them. In a savage op-ed he slams the former half-term governor as "a reality star who cannot be elected." Other country club types, like Karl Rove, have joined in the chorus of naysayers who appear to be alarmed at Palin's influence within the party.

All of this, of course, just makes Sister Sarah's hillbilly army all that more enamored of her. Anyone who dares to point out that the empress has no clothes is labeled an "elite" and summarily dismissed. Palin could tweet that the world is ending tomorrow and her adoring worshippers would ask her what they should wear.

Democrats, meanwhile, can just sit back and enjoy the show. They're praying that she will run in 2012 - betting that when she inevitably loses in the primaries, her followers will be so devastated and angry that they'll stay home on election day. Personally, I think that there's a better than even chance that she'll do a Perot and run independently - which of course would be a sure-fire recipe to ensure Obama's re-election.

But who knows, I could be wrong. Maybe the country club types will find a way to embrace their tea party brethren and they'll all sing Kumbaya around the ce-ment pond together. But if I were Mr. Drysdale, I wouldn't bet the bank on it.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Palin Girls Gone Wild!

Ah, Facebook! A great place for teens to hit the keyboard and throw around a few homophobic slurs to let off steam. It also works as a great showcase for the very best the American educational system has to offer - grammar skills, spelling and word choices have never been better represented!

To illustrate my point, one need look no further than this week's Facebook exchange between Willow Palin, the 16-year-old wunderkind who calls her mother Sarah, and a gaggle of her classmates. The subject at hand is the new reality show starring the Palin Family - "Sarah Palin's Alaska." Apparently not everyone at Willow's school is a fan of the show - and Willow wasn't going to stand for that! With a little assistance from big sister Bristol, she let loose with the big guns, calling the offender a "faggot" and even managing to drop a couple of F-bombs along the way. You can read the entire exchange here. I don't want to dwell on it - I have a bigger point to make. Which is...

If I recall correctly, Sister Sarah had her panties in a bunch a few months ago because Rahm Emanuel used the word "retarded" in a private meeting. She cranked up the outrage machine to its highest level and demanded that the president fire him. And yet, here it is - a couple of days later and, except for a half-hearted one-sentence apology from Bristol for "reacting to negative comments about our family" - still no word from anyone in the Palin family about the use of the word "faggot" to insult her classmate. Apparently it's just not that big of a deal, I guess. Why else would Sarah remain silent on the subject? I guess the NOH8 campaign that's been all over the news recently hasn't made it to Alaska yet. Maybe they aren't aware of the rash of suicides among young people who have been the victims of these kinds of homophobic slurs. Well, Alaska is kind of far away, I guess.

I suspect that Sarah, however, is probably just too busy with her next Facebook message - which no doubt will attack the media for saying all those nasty things about her precious little girl. I bet she'll even manage to say something nasty about David Letterman again!

And by the way - someone should probably explain to these young 'uns that when you write something on the Internet, EVERYBODY can read it - a point that should probably be right in the front of your brain if you have a loud-mouthed "family values" mother who fantasizes about being president.

In any event, it's apparent to me that the Palin girls have been skipping their Sunday School classes. Maybe they quit going because quitting runs in the family.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Bush Throws Mitch McConnell Under the Bus

(Rachel Maddow explains why Mitch McConnell is a giant hypocrite.)

Mitch McConnell is the Republican leader in the United States senate. He also looks exactly like a turtle. I know he can't help how he looks, but can you really trust someone who looks like a turtle? I think not.

Now, I haven't found many opportunities to thank George W. Bush for something he did - but in this case I tip my hat to the man for exposing the rank hypocrisy of this man-turtle named McConnell. Of course, Bush had his own selfish reasons for throwing McConnell under the bus - it was a transparent attempt to make himself look like the good guy - but still, by telling the world of this brazen bit of hypocrisy, he's actually done us a favor, I suppose.

You can watch the video above for all the particulars - Rachel Maddow does her usual superb job of explaining the story. But the bottom line is that back in 2006, McConnell wanted Bush to bring home some of the troops from Iraq as a way to benefit Republicans in the election - while at the same time excoriating Democrats and calling them nasty names for pushing for the exact same withdrawal. Of course, Democrats were advocating the withdrawal on policy grounds, arguing that it was the best policy for the national security. McConnell was advocating withdrawal for political reasons, to help the Republicans in the election - national security be damned. To him, our soldiers were just pawns in his sleazy little chess game.

For me, the whole sordid tale just reinforces the fact that the Iraq war was nothing but a giant sham, orchestrated by politicians for their own benefit. It was (and is) a national tragedy that could have, should have, been prevented and which, despite the sacrifice of American lives and treasure (not to mention the 100,000 dead Iraqis), has left us virtually nothing to show for it. So I'd like to retract my earlier "thank you" to the former president. Thanks for nothing, George W. Bush. 

Monday, November 15, 2010

Cindy McCain Wants to Repeal DADT - or Not!

So Cindy McCain, the wife of the senator who just missed being president by only a gazillion votes, steps up to the plate and appears in the above video. It's an anti-bullying message with numerous celebrities appearing to add their voices to the NOH8 campaign. In the video, she is clearly onboard with the cause, and even makes reference to the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy of the U.S. military ("They [gays] can't serve our country openly.")

As the wife of the senator who's leading the fight against repeal of DADT, the NOH8 campaign seemed to have scored a major coup by landing Cindy McCain's support for their cause. McCain's daughter, Megan, is also a strong supporter of the NOH8 campaign. So imagine everyone's surprise when Cindy took to the Twitter machine with this message:

"I fully support the NOH8 campaign and all it stands for and am proud to be a part of it. But I stand by my husband's stance on DADT."

So wait. What? She's against the military telling gays they can't serve openly, but she supports her husband's stance that the military should tell gays they can't serve openly? Amazing. That's kind of like saying, "I fully support animal rights, but I stand by puppy torturers." Maybe someone should tell her that simultaneously holding two opposing viewpoints can result in massive confusion for everyone.

Cindy is now bearing witness to a rather sizable backlash from people who are angry and disappointed at what appears to be a stab in the back to the NOH8 campaign - and has left many people speculating that her husband "got to her" and persuaded her to publicly back him in his gallant struggle to keep hate alive. (I'm guessing it was the old "horse head in the bed" trick.) Maybe, just maybe, Cindy McCain is supporting the anti-bullying campaign because she's married to a bully.

Friday, November 5, 2010

A Little Fact-Checking Goes a Long Way!

(VIDEO: Rachel Maddow explains about crazy people.)

Today's Right-Wing Meme of the Day goes something like this: Oh My God! Obama is going overseas and it's going to cost the taxpayers a gazillion dollars a day! Not only that, but we're sending the entire navy to protect him and half of Canada's navy, too!! OMG!! OMG!!

This latest nonsense began when the oh-so-lovely Michele Bachmann of Minnesota, aka The Queen of the Crazy Ladies, got on CNN and told a Paul Bunyon-esque tall tale to Anderson Cooper. She said that it would cost $200 million a day for Obama's trip. When Cooper challenged her on that comically large number, Bachmann defended herself by saying that the "the numbers have been coming out in the press."

Cooper: "And do you believe everything you read in the press?"
Bachmann: "Well, you're the press. Shouldn't I believe you?"
Cooper: "I'm not reporting that this trip is costing $200 million a day."

Of course, it took CNN about two seconds to do some fact-checking and determine that Michele Bachmann - true to form - was full of shit. But not before the story had spread to all the sleazy corners of right-wing world: Limbaugh, Hannity, Beck, et al. confirming with each other that the story was, like, totally true.

Apparently the story had originated on some Indian website and was picked up by the very prestigious Drudge Report, which apparently was way too busy to find out if the story was actually, you know, true or not. Well, that was the cue for Right-Wing World to go straight into fake scandal mode - something they've become quite accomplished at - and start screaming hysterically that the world is coming to an end.

Well, of course the story wasn't true. For one thing, the government doesn't release the figures on presidential trips abroad for security reasons, so nobody knows how much money will be spent - certainly not some snake charmer in India. (A similar trip by President Clinton, however, cost about $50 million - for the whole trip, NOT per day).

The sane media needs to do a better job of policing these scoundrels and doing some serious fact-checking when they say stupid shit. Anderson Cooper often does a good job challenging his guests. He went straight after Bachmann as soon as she uttered her inanities. And of course Rachel Maddow, as always, does an excellent job exposing these frauds.

It's amazing to me that FOX News continues to perpetuate this fraudulent activity. Hasn't anyone told them that real journalists are supposed to check their stories before they publish or broadcast them? Don't politicians know that a little fact-checking goes a long way? It could actually save them from looking like a total ass the next day.

Monday, September 3, 2007

George Bush Crying on God's Shoulder

(Video from Balcony Films)

As George Bush's time in office winds down, he's found time to sit down and reflect on his tenure with author Robert Draper. The resulting book is called Dead Certain, the title an apparent reference to Bush's defiance and stubbornness in the face of harsh reality.

This attitude is reflected in his answer to a key question from the author, who asked the president what his main goal would be in his remaining time in office. If you were expecting him to say something reassuring, something like "I'm going to focus on finding a sensible way to wrap things up in Iraq so that our soldiers can come home to their families," you'll be disappointed. He declares that his main goal is “To get us in a position where the presidential candidates will be comfortable about sustaining a presence," and (he later added) "stay longer."

So apparently Bush will be spending his days figuring out ways to continue his disastrous war ad infinitum, even after he's safely (for the world) out of Washington, because he's "dead certain" that he's right about Iraq, and nobody is going to get him to change his mind. Furthermore, he assures us that he really believes it when he says that things are going to turn around in Iraq. "You can't fake it," he told the author.

But you needn't worry that the war and all those dead Americans are putting too much stress on the commander-in-chief. When the author noted that he had nobody's "shoulder to cry on," Bush told him, “Of course I do, I’ve got God’s shoulder to cry on, and I cry a lot," and added, "I’ll bet I’ve shed more tears than you can count as president.”

For a president who likes to pride himself on being a strong leader, it seems a bit odd to me that he would admit to being a big crybaby. Somehow, I have a hard time picturing Bush laying in bed at night sobbing into his pillow so he won't wake Laura. It's much easier for me, however, to imagine the mothers and fathers, wives, husbands, and children of all those soldiers who came home in flag-draped coffins crying for the loved ones they'll never see again, and I'm willing to bet that God is a lot more willing to lend his shoulder to them than to Bush.

Bush has always made a point of saying that he doesn't make decisions according to the polls, and of course on one level, he's right. A president can't base his decisions on whatever the latest polls say. But you'd think that when the American people express such strong disapproval of their leader and his policies, he'd at least want to take a moment to ponder the reasons for their anger and search for ways to factor public opinion into his frame of reference.

In a classic case of wishful thinking, Bush has been reduced to claiming that although everybody thinks he's a screw-up now, history will vindicate him and record that he was a clear-eyed leader who did what he thought was right and as a result saved the earth from extinction. To me, he's like the father whose kids hate him, but it doesn't really bother him because he's "dead certain" that his strict authoritarian parenting style is what's best for them, and dammit, they'll thank him for it when they get older.

Bush posits the simplistic notion that he's unpopular because "I made a decision to lead." He says, "One, it makes you unpopular...and two, it makes people accuse you of unilateral arrogance, and that may be true. But the fundamental question is, is the world better off as a result of your leadership?”

Well, at least he admits that he's arrogant. I guess that's something. And the question he poses is exactly the right one. Is the world better off as a result of George Bush's leadership? The American people (and the world) have rendered their verdict on that score with a resounding no, and they're "dead certain" of their answer.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

The Senator's Excellent Toilet Adventure

(Video from Red State Update)

Well, whaddaya know? Another conservative Republican homophobe caught with his pants down in the men's room. But not to worry, Sen. Larry Craig assures us in a rather Nixonian moment, "I am not gay. I have never been gay." Oh, I see. Thanks for clearing that up.

Ah, I love the smell of hypocrisy in the morning! This guy has spent his days voting against anything vaguely related to gay rights, while spending his nights looking for sex in bathroom stalls.

Of course, if he didn't have such a neanderthal view of sexuality, if he believed in letting people be who they are, without judgement, he wouldn't have to sneak around to get some action, and he wouldn't be watching his long career crashing down around him.

The Republican party has once again demonstrated that they are the party of "Do As I Say, Not As I Do."

Monday, August 27, 2007

Who's to Blame for Alberto Gonzales?

(Video from TPMtv)

U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has finally been shown the door, following close on the heels of Karl Rove, and virtually no one has stepped forward to say, "Gee, that's too bad." In fact, perhaps his one redeeming feature was that he was finally able to unite Democrats and Republicans in their demands for his resignation. He joins a long list of failed Bushies who have left nothing in their wake but failure and deception.

Gonzales was the bumbling, lying clown that sat in front of congressional committees and told them that, gee whiz, he had no idea at all about pretty much anything that was happening around him. Apparently, he was just too darn busy doing crossword puzzles to pay attention to what was going on in his Justice Department.

What's that you say, someone fired a bunch of U.S. Attorneys because they weren't playing ball with the administration? Nope, I never heard anything about that. I harrassed a sick man in the hospital to get him to sign off on illegal wiretapping? Nah, I was just there to bring him a box of chocolates.

His resignation comes just days after Bush re-iterated his support for Gonzales, saying "Why should he resign? He's done nothing wrong." Of course, when Bush talks about right and wrong, you have to remember that he apparently uses different definitions for those words than the rest of us.

Although it's easy to blame Gonzales (way too easy), it's Bush who is really at fault. Once again, he placed a person in a vital position of power in the U.S. government, not based on his ability, but based on his loyalty to him. It's his standard operating procedure. When selecting an Attorney General of the United States, the most important thing in the president's mind is to make sure that person will do his bidding, be his lap dog. Let's not worry about finding someone who is competent and capable, or about the equal administration of justice. Such quaint ideas, anyway.

So Gonzales will likely go down in the history books as one of the worst Attorney Generals ever, working for a president who will be remembered as one of the worst presidents ever. Not a very enviable legacy, and probably not what he had envisioned when he came to Washington with his best friend George nearly seven years ago.

There had been speculation that Bush was supporting Gonzales because he didn't want to have to go through a difficult confirmation process, which makes his apparent choice of Michael Chertoff to replace Gonzales a bit puzzling. Chertoff, after all, was the man in charge of Homeland Security two years ago when he allowed New Orleans, a major American city, to go under without even much of a fight.

But hey, heck of a job, Alberto!

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Fox News Wants to Attack Iran

(Video from Brave New Films)

The morons at the state-run FOX News network are, once again, beating the drums of war. They did it before with Iraq, and they're doing it again with Iran. And it's the same old shit - Iran has WMD and they're connected to 9/11. Therefore, let's attack 'em!

The problem is, of course, that last time the rest of the media followed along like sheep and was complicit in allowing Bush to attack Iraq. No hard questions, just rah, rah, rah.

Robert Greenwald and Brave New Films have put together this great video documenting the techniques that FOX News uses in an attempt to push the administration's agenda -then and now.

Let's hope people have wised up in the last years. Like Bush says, "Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, uh, I won't get fooled again!"

Friday, August 24, 2007

Have Catholics Found Their Heaven On Earth?

(Video from The Simpsons)

Tom Monaghan used to be the King of Pizza until he sold his Domino's Pizza empire for about a billion bucks in 1998. So with all that loose change in his pocket, he decided to build his very own town, complete with a big new university opening its doors this week. But this is not just a regular town -- it's a Catholic town, called Ave Maria, near Naples, Florida, where the streets are named after Catholic saints and popes, and a giant, shiny new Catholic oratory is going up in the center of town.

But you probably won't find any hookers hanging out on the corner of John Paul and St. Peter. This is a Catholic town, so any sinning is strictly forbidden. In fact, Tom's initial idea was to ban abortions, as well as the sale of pornography and contraceptives in his new town. But alas, he learned that just because you own a town doesn't mean you can break the law, so he's had to chalk one up for Satan on that front.

Tom says that you don't really have to be Catholic to buy one of the big new houses in his town. Why, heck, he says you can even be a godless athiest, although for an athiest to plop himself down in the middle of a bunch of religious fanatics would be a bit like me going to a Republican convention. I mean, why would you?

Is this the future of America? Does this small village represent a dismantling of the wall that separates church and state, a theocracy where the government is run according to religious principles? Beyond that, are we now going to build towns where we can all live safe in the knowledge that everyone else in town is exactly like us? Are we going to see towns sprouting up for Baptists, Buddhists, or biologists? Are we all so frightened of people who are different than us that we view uniformity as a virtue? It all seems a bit too much like Stepford for me.

I always thought that the strength of America was the idea of the "melting pot," that rich tapestry of people of different races, creeds, and political beliefs living together in peace and harmony. Of course, that isn't always the case, but shouldn't that be the goal? How is America better off if we wall ourselves off from those people and ideas that offend us?

I'm thinking that there may be an opportunity for a developer looking to build some new communities near Ave Maria. I'm thinking maybe he could build a couple of towns with some great casinos, strip joints and bars, because I have a feeling that there are going to be a lot of frustrated Catholics in Ave Maria when Saturday night rolls around and the most exciting thing to do in town is go bowling.

I'd call the new towns Sodom and Gomorrah. It has a certain ring to it.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

My Favorite Ann Coulter Moment

This video is my absolute all-time favorite moment featuring the Wicked Witch herself, Ms. Ann Coulter.

I'm still trying to figure out how this woman has made a name for herself in America, or how any self-respecting person can defend the hate-filled lies that she spouts every time she opens her mouth.

This is a short excerpt from the Adam Corolla radio show from a few months back. There is no actual video because A) it's radio, and B) it's just too painful to have to listen to her AND watch her, too. It's more than anyone should be subjected to.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Abdul the Reluctant Martyr

Video from Modern Man)

Apparently some terrorists are less committed than others. Abdul is one of them. He would "rather grow up than blow up."

This very funny video is from Modern Man, a group of three very funny old guys (in other words, my age), who wrote this song in an attempt to become famous. According to their website, they were "transparently trying to get a fatwa issued on themselves for the sake of notoriety."

Although most people believe that terrorists must have had their funny bones surgically removed, I'm guessing that there are some out there who might see this and think, "That Abdul is a funny guy. Maybe I will follow in his footsteps."

And Modern Man will have done their part in saving the world.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Do I Creep You Out?

Here's a song for all the women out there who have been followed, harrassed, stalked, and just plain annoyed by some creep. In case you don't recognize it, it's a parody of Taylor Hicks' song, "Do I Make You Proud?" by Weird Al Yankovic. And yes, I think it's okay to make fun of Taylor Hicks, because Katherine McPhee should have won.

Friday, August 17, 2007

From Quagmire to Cakewalk

An unlikely new star has emerged on YouTube. Dick Cheney's newly-uncovered video interview from 1994 has gotten over 600,000 views and has got everyone talking.

In this particular video, Cheney (who had been the Secretary of Defense during the Gulf War) is asked whether he thought that U.S. forces should have moved into Baghdad after Hussein's army had been defeated in 1991. His response was that we shouldn't have because "There wouldn't have been anybody else with us. There would have been a U.S. occupation of Iraq." His concern was that once the US toppled Hussein's regime, "then what are you going to put in its place?...It's a quagmire if you go that far and try to take over Iraq." He demonstrated his concern for the troops by asking, "how many additional dead Americans is Saddam worth? Our judgment was, not very many, and I think we got it right."

Smart man, that Cheney fellow. So why was it that in 2002 and 2003 this very same man (and his minions) was telling the nation that an invasion of Iraq would be a "cakewalk" and that we would "be greeted as liberators." Neocons were quick to assure us that we needn't worry. The oil revenues would pay for the war, and we should be out of there in practically no time at all.

Of course, over the years, lots of people have questioned why Bush Sr. and his administration had not gone into Baghdad in 1991 to "finish the job." Bush, Cheney, Powell...they all had what I thought were pretty reasonable reasons for not doing exactly that.

So what was it that made Cheney flip-flop and decide that those reasons were no longer valid in 2003? Of course, the answer that he and his people always give is "9/11 changed everything." Well, maybe. It might have changed certain people's thinking about whether or not Iraq should be attacked. But how exactly did 9/11 change those predicted consequences that Cheney spoke of so eloquently in 1994? The answer is it didn't. Cheney was exactly right about the consequences he had predicted.

He was also a bit of a fortune-teller in 1991 when speaking at the Soref Symposium shortly after the war had ended. He told his audience, "If you are going to go to war, let's send the whole group; let's make certain that we've got a force of sufficient size, as we did when we went into Kuwait, so that we do not suffer any more casualties than are absolutely necessary."

So when the average American looks at Cheney's turnabout, what is he to conclude except that Cheney and the rest were so determined to invade Iraq that they deliberately deceived people about the consequences, and were in such a hurry that they didn't even make adequate plans for those very things they had predicted.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

What's in the Book of Mormon?

Mormonism, to most Americans, is a pretty mysterious religion. Most people, I would venture to guess, have no idea what's in their sacred Book of Mormon, which is why I found this video so fascinating. This is an animated summary of what the Book of Mormon says about the origin of mankind, where the different races came from, and what will happen in the afterlife.

If you're a Mormon, I'd like to ask you straight out. Do you really believe this stuff? Really? 'Cause it does sound kind of...out there. Do you really believe, for example, that when you die (if you're a Mormon) you'll rule over a distant planet as a god? I mean, it sounds like it would make a really great sci-fi movie, but as a basis for living your life, I'm not so sure.

But, hey, on the other hand, who knows? Maybe the Mormons are right and everyone else is wrong. And, really, who wouldn't want to rule over a distant planet as a god? I think I could get down with that.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Protect Yourself With Magic Underwear

Mormons are finding themselves under more scrutiny than usual, in that they've got one of their own running for President. One of the more curious aspects of their faith that's come to light is the "magic underwear" or "temple garment," as the faithful would prefer to call it, worn by many Mormons. According to Wikipedia, "Adherents consider them to be sacred and may be offended by public discussion of the garments," so if you're an adherent, you should stop reading now.

The underwear is called "magic" by some because it is believed that they protect the wearer from evil and physical harm.

You know, I bet Superman was a Mormon. It must have been his magic underwear that caused bullets and falling rocks to bounce right off him. If the Mormons were smart, they'd make them available to everyone. Imagine the price that people would be willing to pay to make themselves invincible in this age of terrorism. The Mormons would make a fortune.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Karl Rove: Gone But Not Forgotten

(Video from Campaign for America's Future)

Karl Rove, George Bush's right-hand man and a really, really bad rapper, has announced his resignation "to spend more time with his family." It's amazing to me that politicians still think that people buy that bullshit excuse when they're shown the door. It's on a level with "the dog ate my homework." Please. Have a little respect for our intelligence.

Rove says he was not forced out, but you have to wonder about the timing. Why would a man who has been at Bush's side for 14 years suddenly leave with just months left before Bush's term comes to an end?

As Ol' Turd Blossom rides into the sunset, let's review his legacy. Although he is regarded by some as a political genius, you wouldn't know it by the mess he's created and left for others to clean up. Rove used to talk about establishing a "permanent Republican majority," but his party now has him to thank for a failed presidency, a calamity in Iraq, the loss of Congress, and possibly the loss of power in Washington for a generation or more. So he may turn out to be right about a "permanent majority," just the wrong party.

This is the man who was at the center of the Valerie Plame affair - a sordid episode in which a CIA agent was outed as revenge for her husband's expose of Bush's lies about Iraq. His standard operating procedure when it came to winning elections was to employ dirty tricks at every opportunity. It was apparently easier than trying to win by campaigning on your candidate's strengths.

He once famously said in a 2005 speech, "Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 and the attacks and prepared for war. Liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers." Typiclal Rovespeak - demonize your opponents even if it means making stuff up.

But his deceitfulness is finally catching up with him. He is the subject of multiple investigations having to do with various forms of illegal acts and other skullduggery, from the possible violation of the Hatch Act for politically-motivated presentations to government agencies to the politically-motivated firings of U.S. Attorneys.

He may think that by resigning, he'll take himself out of the line of fire, but I think he'll be dissappointed in that regard. Now that he's no longer a member of the executive branch, he may find himself stripped of certain protections and more vulnerable to investigators.

So long, Karl. Don't the the door hit you in the ass on the way out.