We're Back!

We're baaaaack...!! It's election time in America again, which means it's prime time for nuts, dicks, and boobs! Please feel free to welcome us back by sending any sort of food or - of course - tube socks. Also, it would be fun if you would leave some comments. (Unless, of course, they're negative comments. I mean - who needs that?)

Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Dastardly Mrs. Warren

Elizabeth Warren is a Democrat running for the Senate from Massachusetts. She still has to go through a Democratic primary, but she is the strong favorite to win the primary and go up against Republican Scott Brown, who currently holds the seat, in 2012.

Judging from the video above, just released by the Massachusetts Republican party, this Elizabeth Warren person is one scary woman. The shaky video, the blurred images, and the incessant drumbeat makes it clear that she is someone who is a clear and present danger to society. And to drive the point home, they are careful to note that she is the worst thing you can call someone - a Harvard professor!

But not only is she an evil Harvard professor, she is also prone to violence, which is clearly demonstrated by her stated desire to "throw rocks" at certain people. Those darn Harvard professors and their wily use of metaphors! Gee, if only the people that made this video had had an opportunity for a higher education, they might have been able to comprehend how a metaphor works!

In any event, judging from the anti-Wall Street mood of the country these days, Elizabeth Warren may be just the kind of senator people are looking for - someone who is a street fighter, someone who will stand up to Wall Street and corporate interests on behalf of the consumer. She was, after all, the woman responsible for the creation of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, a new agency designed to make sure that consumers don't get screwed in their dealings with the big money boys. Anyone who has had a bad experience with their credit card company (which is pretty much everybody) can thank Mrs. Warren for forcing those companies to change the way they do business.

The video below should give you a much clearer picture of who Elizabeth Warren is. Although it's a very funny satire, I think it captures her spirit: "My name is Elizabeth Warren and I am running for United States Senate to fuck some shit up!"

Monday, October 10, 2011

The Values Voter Circus

The Values Voter Summit is an annual gathering of crazy people who come together to proclaim their "values" to the world. In their case, their values include hating on liberals, gay people, Obama, liberals, muslims, Democrats, atheists, Obama, and liberals. They really do not like liberals. Or Obama. Or gay people. Or muslims. Or atheists. So they come together every year and try to find some comfort in their shared bigotry. And what with the big election next year, the current crop of GOP candidates are treating this gathering as some sort of Mecca to which they must make a hajj (hey wait, I thought they hated Muslims) - because apparently they believe that there are enough of these crazy people scattered about the nation that they have to do a little song-and-dance to try to get their votes.

This year's gathering has turned into a rather amusing circus as Mormons and Christians have come out swinging, pummeling each other to a bloody pulp! Since the VVS folks are primarily right-wing Christians who believe that Mormons are (according to one of their speakers, a Dallas pastor) a CULT, you probably could have guessed that Mitt Romney, the cultist, might feel a bit awkward when getting up in front of them to solicit their support. You may not have guessed, however, that Rick Perry, who is not a cultist but a true Christian, would also face some awkwardness. After the aforementioned speaker who hates Mormons was selected to introduce Mr. Perry, the candidate found himself having to answer the question, "Do you believe Mormonism is a cult?" (For the record, Perry answered the question in the negative - because what, you thought he would say YES?)

But coming to the rescue just in the nick of time was everybody's favorite lunatic, Glenn Beck. Also a cultist, he apparently took some offense at the idea that he was not a true Christian, pointing out that Mormons went to all the trouble to put Jesus Christ's name right on their letterhead, for Christ's sake, so lay off already!

After the Mormons were disposed of, it was time for the star clown of this circus, one Mr. Bryan Fischer, to rally the crowd in a show of anti-Muslim bigotry on a scale that must be seen to be believed (see above video). He did this even though the previous speaker, the cultist Mitt Romney, had preached that "we should remember that decency and civility are values too. One of the speakers who will follow me today (I'm lookin' at you, Bryan Fischer) has crossed that line, I think. Poisonous language doesn't advance our cause - it's never softened a single heart or changed a single mind." Sadly, though, the only result of Romney's admonition was to be called "tasteless and tawdry" by Fischer, the Muslim hater - who also, by the way, made it clear that if our next president believes in evolution we may well lose ALL our freedoms! Now there's something to think about before pulling that lever or punching that chad!

So what have we learned from this circus? Well, I guess we've learned that Christians, Mormons, and Muslims can't seem to get along very well. And that only Christians get to go to heaven. Because, seriously, what fun is heaven if you have to share it with all those other icky people?