We're Back!

We're baaaaack...!! It's election time in America again, which means it's prime time for nuts, dicks, and boobs! Please feel free to welcome us back by sending any sort of food or - of course - tube socks. Also, it would be fun if you would leave some comments. (Unless, of course, they're negative comments. I mean - who needs that?)

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The PolitiChicks to the Rescue!

The PolitiChicks are here and are taking the world by storm! Apparently conservatives have not been allowed to speak their mind for the last 40 years (at least according to the hot blonde PolitiChick), but these spicy gals are here to change all that! Along with the previously mentioned hot blonde PolitiChick, you've got the hot brunette with a monotone voice PolitiChick, the hot black kinda serious PolitiChick, and last but not least, the Queen of Crazy PolitiChick, Victoria Jackson herself!

Your initial reaction upon viewing their first episode (after expressing your sincere appreciation for some truly lovely gams on full display), might be to assume that what you just watched was a brilliant piece of satire whose aim was to skewer those on the right who might charitably be called "batshit crazy." But, lamentably, you would be wrong. Think of this show as kinda like "The View," except with four Elizabeth Hasselbecks - on steroids!

Most of the first show was dedicated to pursuing a fact-free discussion of Islam. After Crazy Vicky sang her little song about how nasty Muslims are ("they like beheadings and pedophile weddings"), the group proceeded to throw around some pretty WTF statements about them (even though they insist that they really LOVE Muslims). Crazy Vicky was shocked to learn that Muslim butchers say "Allah Akbar" before they cut the meat. She scoffed when her liberal friend told her that she should check with Snopes.com, the well-respected arbiter of Internet sense and nonsense, about that idea, confidently telling everyone that Snopes.com is owned by the devil himself, George Soros, and therefore was not to be believed. (No, of course that's not true, but she probably read it in a forwarded email or on World Net Daily, and that's good enough for her.)

After monopolizing the first 10 minutes of the show, Crazy Vicky turned it over to the hot brunette for her take on the whole Muslim meat thing. Excited by her chance to say something truly important about this subject, she began...

"Well, you know what else they say that before, er, you know what else they, uh, when they say that what else they say that before they do..."

Perhaps not surprisingly, while a normal person might find it difficult to decipher such jibberish, Crazy Vicky immediately took her point...

"Before they KILL people!" she screamed excitedly.

"On planes, yeah!" exclaimed the hot brunette.

"On 9/11!" concluded Crazy Vicky.

So there you have it. Muslims say "God is Great" before they cut meat and kill people. That's really all you need to know. But wait, it gets worse. The hot brunette is in a tizzy because some universities have installed foot baths to accommodate their Muslim students - apparently she believes that Muslim feet should be as dirty as Christian feet. (And yet, we Christians can't have our Christmas trees, wails the hot blonde.) And Crazy Vicky is very confused about why liberals don't hate Muslims as much as she does - because liberals love gays, and Muslims want to kill gays. (It's probably best not to tell her that the Bible also talks about killing gays. It would just confuse her even more.)

But hey, here's something I didn't know - apparently it is now completely legal for Muslims in America to behead their wives - because of that whole Sharia law taking over our judicial system thing. But they probably shouldn't talk too much about that, or the rest of the country will be demanding that they be given the same right.

The fearsome foursome has one final bone to pick with Muslims before they move on to bashing gays. While they are willing to concede that "not all Muslims are terrorists," they are equally insistent that "all terrorists are Muslims!" Someone urgently needs to point these ladies to the Google machine, where they will quickly discover a rather long list of non-Muslim terrorists. They may also discover, along the way, that not all conservatives are morons, but all morons are conservatives.

Oh, lest I forget, Crazy Vicky makes a very observant point: Eric Holder and Janet Napolitano have "dead eyes," and she's pretty sure that they're both zombies and/or aliens. And to prove her point, she does dead-on impressions of both of them - although they oddly seem to be exactly the same.

Having spent so much time beating up Muslims, there is not much time left to take a swing at gay marriage, but the hot black serious one gives it her best shot. After quoting New York governor Andrew Cuomo's statement about needing to legalize gay marriage in all 50 states, and also the need to have anti-bullying laws, she incongruously asks the panel, "Are laws that define marriage as one man and one woman bullying laws?" Huh? She seems to have missed Cuomo's point by the proverbial country mile. Of course, anti-bullying laws are designed to protect gays (among others) from being bullied, but that whole concept appears to have gone right over her head. But what really worries the ladies is that pastors and priests are going to be forced to marry those icky people even if they don't like them. And yes, even photographers are at risk of being forced to take pictures of the hideous ceremonies against their will. Of course, none of that is true - the laws don't coerce anyone to take part in a ceremony against their will, but like I said, this show operates in a Fact-Free Zone.

I will say, so that I don't get accused of being a complete negative nelly, that Crazy Vicky may be crazy, but she has spunk! (Although I kind of feel the same way that Lou Grant does when it comes to spunk.) On this PolitiChicks introductory video, she generously allows that she loves Muslims, gays, and even all those people who leave nasty comments on the Internet calling her "a fat, has-been loser." Because Jesus loves them, and she loves Jesus, so therefore, ipso facto, she loves them.

So there you go. The PolitiChicks are here to kick some liberal ass. I can't wait for the next episode! UPDATE: Episode 2 is here, in which the ladies go into full birther mode to expose the nefarious truth of Barack Obama's birth certificate!

(By the way, if they were on TV, they'd probably have a serious ratings problem. Among the over 2200 comments registered so far, you'd be hard-pressed to find more than a handful of positive ones, and the video has so far registered 162 Likes and 3,921 Dislikes.)