We're Back!

We're baaaaack...!! It's election time in America again, which means it's prime time for nuts, dicks, and boobs! Please feel free to welcome us back by sending any sort of food or - of course - tube socks. Also, it would be fun if you would leave some comments. (Unless, of course, they're negative comments. I mean - who needs that?)

Monday, August 27, 2007

Who's to Blame for Alberto Gonzales?

(Video from TPMtv)

U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has finally been shown the door, following close on the heels of Karl Rove, and virtually no one has stepped forward to say, "Gee, that's too bad." In fact, perhaps his one redeeming feature was that he was finally able to unite Democrats and Republicans in their demands for his resignation. He joins a long list of failed Bushies who have left nothing in their wake but failure and deception.

Gonzales was the bumbling, lying clown that sat in front of congressional committees and told them that, gee whiz, he had no idea at all about pretty much anything that was happening around him. Apparently, he was just too darn busy doing crossword puzzles to pay attention to what was going on in his Justice Department.

What's that you say, someone fired a bunch of U.S. Attorneys because they weren't playing ball with the administration? Nope, I never heard anything about that. I harrassed a sick man in the hospital to get him to sign off on illegal wiretapping? Nah, I was just there to bring him a box of chocolates.

His resignation comes just days after Bush re-iterated his support for Gonzales, saying "Why should he resign? He's done nothing wrong." Of course, when Bush talks about right and wrong, you have to remember that he apparently uses different definitions for those words than the rest of us.

Although it's easy to blame Gonzales (way too easy), it's Bush who is really at fault. Once again, he placed a person in a vital position of power in the U.S. government, not based on his ability, but based on his loyalty to him. It's his standard operating procedure. When selecting an Attorney General of the United States, the most important thing in the president's mind is to make sure that person will do his bidding, be his lap dog. Let's not worry about finding someone who is competent and capable, or about the equal administration of justice. Such quaint ideas, anyway.

So Gonzales will likely go down in the history books as one of the worst Attorney Generals ever, working for a president who will be remembered as one of the worst presidents ever. Not a very enviable legacy, and probably not what he had envisioned when he came to Washington with his best friend George nearly seven years ago.

There had been speculation that Bush was supporting Gonzales because he didn't want to have to go through a difficult confirmation process, which makes his apparent choice of Michael Chertoff to replace Gonzales a bit puzzling. Chertoff, after all, was the man in charge of Homeland Security two years ago when he allowed New Orleans, a major American city, to go under without even much of a fight.

But hey, heck of a job, Alberto!

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Fox News Wants to Attack Iran

(Video from Brave New Films)

The morons at the state-run FOX News network are, once again, beating the drums of war. They did it before with Iraq, and they're doing it again with Iran. And it's the same old shit - Iran has WMD and they're connected to 9/11. Therefore, let's attack 'em!

The problem is, of course, that last time the rest of the media followed along like sheep and was complicit in allowing Bush to attack Iraq. No hard questions, just rah, rah, rah.

Robert Greenwald and Brave New Films have put together this great video documenting the techniques that FOX News uses in an attempt to push the administration's agenda -then and now.

Let's hope people have wised up in the last years. Like Bush says, "Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, uh, I won't get fooled again!"

Friday, August 24, 2007

Have Catholics Found Their Heaven On Earth?

(Video from The Simpsons)

Tom Monaghan used to be the King of Pizza until he sold his Domino's Pizza empire for about a billion bucks in 1998. So with all that loose change in his pocket, he decided to build his very own town, complete with a big new university opening its doors this week. But this is not just a regular town -- it's a Catholic town, called Ave Maria, near Naples, Florida, where the streets are named after Catholic saints and popes, and a giant, shiny new Catholic oratory is going up in the center of town.

But you probably won't find any hookers hanging out on the corner of John Paul and St. Peter. This is a Catholic town, so any sinning is strictly forbidden. In fact, Tom's initial idea was to ban abortions, as well as the sale of pornography and contraceptives in his new town. But alas, he learned that just because you own a town doesn't mean you can break the law, so he's had to chalk one up for Satan on that front.

Tom says that you don't really have to be Catholic to buy one of the big new houses in his town. Why, heck, he says you can even be a godless athiest, although for an athiest to plop himself down in the middle of a bunch of religious fanatics would be a bit like me going to a Republican convention. I mean, why would you?

Is this the future of America? Does this small village represent a dismantling of the wall that separates church and state, a theocracy where the government is run according to religious principles? Beyond that, are we now going to build towns where we can all live safe in the knowledge that everyone else in town is exactly like us? Are we going to see towns sprouting up for Baptists, Buddhists, or biologists? Are we all so frightened of people who are different than us that we view uniformity as a virtue? It all seems a bit too much like Stepford for me.

I always thought that the strength of America was the idea of the "melting pot," that rich tapestry of people of different races, creeds, and political beliefs living together in peace and harmony. Of course, that isn't always the case, but shouldn't that be the goal? How is America better off if we wall ourselves off from those people and ideas that offend us?

I'm thinking that there may be an opportunity for a developer looking to build some new communities near Ave Maria. I'm thinking maybe he could build a couple of towns with some great casinos, strip joints and bars, because I have a feeling that there are going to be a lot of frustrated Catholics in Ave Maria when Saturday night rolls around and the most exciting thing to do in town is go bowling.

I'd call the new towns Sodom and Gomorrah. It has a certain ring to it.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

My Favorite Ann Coulter Moment

This video is my absolute all-time favorite moment featuring the Wicked Witch herself, Ms. Ann Coulter.

I'm still trying to figure out how this woman has made a name for herself in America, or how any self-respecting person can defend the hate-filled lies that she spouts every time she opens her mouth.

This is a short excerpt from the Adam Corolla radio show from a few months back. There is no actual video because A) it's radio, and B) it's just too painful to have to listen to her AND watch her, too. It's more than anyone should be subjected to.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Abdul the Reluctant Martyr

Video from Modern Man)

Apparently some terrorists are less committed than others. Abdul is one of them. He would "rather grow up than blow up."

This very funny video is from Modern Man, a group of three very funny old guys (in other words, my age), who wrote this song in an attempt to become famous. According to their website, they were "transparently trying to get a fatwa issued on themselves for the sake of notoriety."

Although most people believe that terrorists must have had their funny bones surgically removed, I'm guessing that there are some out there who might see this and think, "That Abdul is a funny guy. Maybe I will follow in his footsteps."

And Modern Man will have done their part in saving the world.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Do I Creep You Out?

Here's a song for all the women out there who have been followed, harrassed, stalked, and just plain annoyed by some creep. In case you don't recognize it, it's a parody of Taylor Hicks' song, "Do I Make You Proud?" by Weird Al Yankovic. And yes, I think it's okay to make fun of Taylor Hicks, because Katherine McPhee should have won.

Friday, August 17, 2007

From Quagmire to Cakewalk

An unlikely new star has emerged on YouTube. Dick Cheney's newly-uncovered video interview from 1994 has gotten over 600,000 views and has got everyone talking.

In this particular video, Cheney (who had been the Secretary of Defense during the Gulf War) is asked whether he thought that U.S. forces should have moved into Baghdad after Hussein's army had been defeated in 1991. His response was that we shouldn't have because "There wouldn't have been anybody else with us. There would have been a U.S. occupation of Iraq." His concern was that once the US toppled Hussein's regime, "then what are you going to put in its place?...It's a quagmire if you go that far and try to take over Iraq." He demonstrated his concern for the troops by asking, "how many additional dead Americans is Saddam worth? Our judgment was, not very many, and I think we got it right."

Smart man, that Cheney fellow. So why was it that in 2002 and 2003 this very same man (and his minions) was telling the nation that an invasion of Iraq would be a "cakewalk" and that we would "be greeted as liberators." Neocons were quick to assure us that we needn't worry. The oil revenues would pay for the war, and we should be out of there in practically no time at all.

Of course, over the years, lots of people have questioned why Bush Sr. and his administration had not gone into Baghdad in 1991 to "finish the job." Bush, Cheney, Powell...they all had what I thought were pretty reasonable reasons for not doing exactly that.

So what was it that made Cheney flip-flop and decide that those reasons were no longer valid in 2003? Of course, the answer that he and his people always give is "9/11 changed everything." Well, maybe. It might have changed certain people's thinking about whether or not Iraq should be attacked. But how exactly did 9/11 change those predicted consequences that Cheney spoke of so eloquently in 1994? The answer is it didn't. Cheney was exactly right about the consequences he had predicted.

He was also a bit of a fortune-teller in 1991 when speaking at the Soref Symposium shortly after the war had ended. He told his audience, "If you are going to go to war, let's send the whole group; let's make certain that we've got a force of sufficient size, as we did when we went into Kuwait, so that we do not suffer any more casualties than are absolutely necessary."

So when the average American looks at Cheney's turnabout, what is he to conclude except that Cheney and the rest were so determined to invade Iraq that they deliberately deceived people about the consequences, and were in such a hurry that they didn't even make adequate plans for those very things they had predicted.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

What's in the Book of Mormon?

Mormonism, to most Americans, is a pretty mysterious religion. Most people, I would venture to guess, have no idea what's in their sacred Book of Mormon, which is why I found this video so fascinating. This is an animated summary of what the Book of Mormon says about the origin of mankind, where the different races came from, and what will happen in the afterlife.

If you're a Mormon, I'd like to ask you straight out. Do you really believe this stuff? Really? 'Cause it does sound kind of...out there. Do you really believe, for example, that when you die (if you're a Mormon) you'll rule over a distant planet as a god? I mean, it sounds like it would make a really great sci-fi movie, but as a basis for living your life, I'm not so sure.

But, hey, on the other hand, who knows? Maybe the Mormons are right and everyone else is wrong. And, really, who wouldn't want to rule over a distant planet as a god? I think I could get down with that.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Protect Yourself With Magic Underwear

Mormons are finding themselves under more scrutiny than usual, in that they've got one of their own running for President. One of the more curious aspects of their faith that's come to light is the "magic underwear" or "temple garment," as the faithful would prefer to call it, worn by many Mormons. According to Wikipedia, "Adherents consider them to be sacred and may be offended by public discussion of the garments," so if you're an adherent, you should stop reading now.

The underwear is called "magic" by some because it is believed that they protect the wearer from evil and physical harm.

You know, I bet Superman was a Mormon. It must have been his magic underwear that caused bullets and falling rocks to bounce right off him. If the Mormons were smart, they'd make them available to everyone. Imagine the price that people would be willing to pay to make themselves invincible in this age of terrorism. The Mormons would make a fortune.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Karl Rove: Gone But Not Forgotten

(Video from Campaign for America's Future)

Karl Rove, George Bush's right-hand man and a really, really bad rapper, has announced his resignation "to spend more time with his family." It's amazing to me that politicians still think that people buy that bullshit excuse when they're shown the door. It's on a level with "the dog ate my homework." Please. Have a little respect for our intelligence.

Rove says he was not forced out, but you have to wonder about the timing. Why would a man who has been at Bush's side for 14 years suddenly leave with just months left before Bush's term comes to an end?

As Ol' Turd Blossom rides into the sunset, let's review his legacy. Although he is regarded by some as a political genius, you wouldn't know it by the mess he's created and left for others to clean up. Rove used to talk about establishing a "permanent Republican majority," but his party now has him to thank for a failed presidency, a calamity in Iraq, the loss of Congress, and possibly the loss of power in Washington for a generation or more. So he may turn out to be right about a "permanent majority," just the wrong party.

This is the man who was at the center of the Valerie Plame affair - a sordid episode in which a CIA agent was outed as revenge for her husband's expose of Bush's lies about Iraq. His standard operating procedure when it came to winning elections was to employ dirty tricks at every opportunity. It was apparently easier than trying to win by campaigning on your candidate's strengths.

He once famously said in a 2005 speech, "Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 and the attacks and prepared for war. Liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers." Typiclal Rovespeak - demonize your opponents even if it means making stuff up.

But his deceitfulness is finally catching up with him. He is the subject of multiple investigations having to do with various forms of illegal acts and other skullduggery, from the possible violation of the Hatch Act for politically-motivated presentations to government agencies to the politically-motivated firings of U.S. Attorneys.

He may think that by resigning, he'll take himself out of the line of fire, but I think he'll be dissappointed in that regard. Now that he's no longer a member of the executive branch, he may find himself stripped of certain protections and more vulnerable to investigators.

So long, Karl. Don't the the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

The Debating Game

(Video from NBC/Tonight Show)

As the 2008 Presidential campaign starts to heat up, people are beginning to look forward to next year's debates between the 2 major candidates.

But before those take place, it may be instructive to look back to the 2004 debates between Bush and Kerry. Some truly innovative techniques were demonstrated in those debates, and it would behoove any potential candidates to study them closely.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Stu Bykofsky Is a Sick Bastard

(Video from FOX News)

The right-wing warmongers have finally shown their true colors, just in case there was any doubt.

Stu Bykofsky, a columnist for the Philadelphia Daily News, has recently written an article that is so stunning to read that you think he must be engaging in some sick form of satire. But no such luck. He's apparently serious.

His thesis is that, since America is so divided, what it really needs is another massive terrorist attack to bring it back together. He believes that the way to get people to unite in the fight against terror is to suffer and die in another attack. That way we'll know who are enemy is. Here are some excerpts...

"One month from The Anniversary, I'm thinking another 9/11 would help America."

"America's fabric is pulling apart like a cheap sweater. What would sew us back together? Another 9/11 attack."

"The Golden Gate Bridge. Mount Rushmore. Chicago's Wrigley Field. The Philadelphia subway system. The U.S. is a target-rich environment for al Qaeda."

"If it is to be, then let it be. It will take another attack on the homeland to quell the chattering of chipmunks and to restore America's righteous rage and singular purpose to prevail."

Presumably Stu is not advocating an attack on himself or his family or his friends. As long as it's thousands of other poor souls, though, what the hell, it's apparently worth the price.

I'll give him credit for one thing, though. He asks the right question in regard to his own words:

"What kind of a sick bastard would write such a thing?"


By the way, take note of the way FOX News handles this guy with kid gloves, trying to put the best possible spin on his words, and then try to imagine how they would react if Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama had said the same thing.

My prediction for Stu: This is going to blow up in his face, and he'll be looking for another job within a week.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Bush vs. the Zombies

One of the lesser-covered stories in recent days is George Bush's new campaign against zombies. Apparently zombies are everywhere and are threatening the homeland. Thank God the prez is hot on their trail.

If you've ever had your brain eaten by a zombie, you know what a nuisance they can be. So I say spare no expense to rid the world of them. Send in the marines, send in the special forces, send in Condeleeza Rice. Do whatever you have to do.

God Bless You, Sir!

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Why Americans Love FOX News

(Video from The Chaser's War on Everything)

The American people's love of FOX News is one of the most perplexing mysteries of the universe. What is it exactly that causes more people to tune into this poor excuse for a news channel than any other channel?

I have a theory. I don't think it's because people want to find out the "truth," or because they want to get in-depth and impartial analysis of the day's events. I mean, obviously it's not that. It could be because they have a real appreciation of Bill O'Reilly's fine sense of fashion, but somehow I doubt that's the case, either.

I think people tune in for the same reason that they slow down when they see a car wreck, or stop and gawk at someone who's running down the street on fire. FOX News is the freak show at the circus; it's the guy who jams a needle through his cheek. It's disgusting, but you can't look away.

On another level, they're like a bunch of 12-year-old kids who think it's fun to mock people or make prank phone calls in the middle of the night. They're just not sophisticated enough to be a real news channel, but maybe someday, if they can learn how to to be "fair and balanced" in the real sense of that phrase, they might earn some respect.

But then again, that's probably the last thing they want. They wouldn't know what to do with it.

In this video from the Australian show, The Chaser's War on Everything, we get a foreigner's perspective on our friends at FOX News.

Obama Girl Smackdown!

(Video from Barely Political)

Ever since Obama Girl made a big splash with her song, I Got a Crush on Obama, there's been a run on hot babes professing their love for their favorite candidate. Now it's Mitt Romney's turn with not one, but three (hey, he is a Mormon, after all) head-turners ready to fight for their man.

In this video, we don't actually meet the Rommey Girls, but they throw down the gauntlet with a vicious attack ad on Obama Girl. This is getting ugly, folks!

Stay tuned for more fun. You can't go wrong when you start mixing sex and politics!

Dick Cheney: Lounge Lizard

(Video from Harry Shearer)

I don't know about you, but I often imagine how America would be so much better off today if only Dick Cheney had become a lounge singer instead of a politician. Now, the wonderful Harry Shearer has brought my fantasy to life.

Join Dick somewhere in an undisclosed piano bar as he croons his way into your heart with a touching love ballad about a man named Scooter (aka Cheney's Cheney). Your life may never be the same after watching Dick's poignant rendition of what is sure to become a classic.

And if, after viewing this, you find yourself having nightmares, I can give you the number of a very competent shrink.