We're Back!

We're baaaaack...!! It's election time in America again, which means it's prime time for nuts, dicks, and boobs! Please feel free to welcome us back by sending any sort of food or - of course - tube socks. Also, it would be fun if you would leave some comments. (Unless, of course, they're negative comments. I mean - who needs that?)

Monday, October 10, 2011

The Values Voter Circus


The Values Voter Summit is an annual gathering of crazy people who come together to proclaim their "values" to the world. In their case, their values include hating on liberals, gay people, Obama, liberals, muslims, Democrats, atheists, Obama, and liberals. They really do not like liberals. Or Obama. Or gay people. Or muslims. Or atheists. So they come together every year and try to find some comfort in their shared bigotry. And what with the big election next year, the current crop of GOP candidates are treating this gathering as some sort of Mecca to which they must make a hajj (hey wait, I thought they hated Muslims) - because apparently they believe that there are enough of these crazy people scattered about the nation that they have to do a little song-and-dance to try to get their votes.

This year's gathering has turned into a rather amusing circus as Mormons and Christians have come out swinging, pummeling each other to a bloody pulp! Since the VVS folks are primarily right-wing Christians who believe that Mormons are (according to one of their speakers, a Dallas pastor) a CULT, you probably could have guessed that Mitt Romney, the cultist, might feel a bit awkward when getting up in front of them to solicit their support. You may not have guessed, however, that Rick Perry, who is not a cultist but a true Christian, would also face some awkwardness. After the aforementioned speaker who hates Mormons was selected to introduce Mr. Perry, the candidate found himself having to answer the question, "Do you believe Mormonism is a cult?" (For the record, Perry answered the question in the negative - because what, you thought he would say YES?)

But coming to the rescue just in the nick of time was everybody's favorite lunatic, Glenn Beck. Also a cultist, he apparently took some offense at the idea that he was not a true Christian, pointing out that Mormons went to all the trouble to put Jesus Christ's name right on their letterhead, for Christ's sake, so lay off already!

After the Mormons were disposed of, it was time for the star clown of this circus, one Mr. Bryan Fischer, to rally the crowd in a show of anti-Muslim bigotry on a scale that must be seen to be believed (see above video). He did this even though the previous speaker, the cultist Mitt Romney, had preached that "we should remember that decency and civility are values too. One of the speakers who will follow me today (I'm lookin' at you, Bryan Fischer) has crossed that line, I think. Poisonous language doesn't advance our cause - it's never softened a single heart or changed a single mind." Sadly, though, the only result of Romney's admonition was to be called "tasteless and tawdry" by Fischer, the Muslim hater - who also, by the way, made it clear that if our next president believes in evolution we may well lose ALL our freedoms! Now there's something to think about before pulling that lever or punching that chad!

So what have we learned from this circus? Well, I guess we've learned that Christians, Mormons, and Muslims can't seem to get along very well. And that only Christians get to go to heaven. Because, seriously, what fun is heaven if you have to share it with all those other icky people?

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Great post Doug! Man, you are going to have heaps of whacko material to choose from leading up to next November. Looking fwd to it! Cheers!